b*ring

Today is another boring day.

After reading " The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, I feel so depressed. 

After I read "The Blind Watchmaker"I felt so manipulated. By my genes, that is. I feel like I am a mechanistic construction that is just comparable to the watch I wear. My existence can be compared to that watch's, neither of us existed because we wanted to exist. We came into existence out of our own will. We just exist because of circumstances.

The books were good. Very convincing and rational. I can't really claim Mr Dawkins for my feeling depressed , or for his injecting into my brain some ultimately sad thought and the bottomlessly abysmal void. I used to be an agnostic. Whether or not God existed was none of my business.. and my interest. But after reading his book, I am not an agnostic anymore. Sad

I had no passion in anything. A slight interest in science and books and music.But notmuch, not sufficient to sustain me through the insuffereable periods of uninteresting life episodes that are occasionally marked with pain and joy. Both of which are so temporary and short that my life- in short- is so damn boring. Not that I am complaining.

I feel lucky that life has not dealt me an entirely horrible card: I am not starving, was not abused, had some education, had some kinda so called family, born in a war-free region... Very good indeed, by today's standard.

But there are some facts in life that is so ridiculous.

1. one needs to consume food to be alive, resisting death
2. in order to consume food, one needs to have money
3. to have money, one needs to work 
4. when one works,one spends one's life away
5. spending one's like away is not very different from not being alive
6. so being alive and not being alive is not so different
7. the only certainty is everyone will die
8. in the end,people spend a lot deal of time to resist the unavoidable,in the meantime, struggling a lot

another thing I don't understand:

1. people created the idea of "the economic system"
2. " the economic system" brings recession
3. recession brings unhappiness
4. thus, people created recession and subsequently, unhappiness
5. Why don't they just scrap economic system to obliterate unhappiness altogether?
6. Why must they cling to these darn things"?